


an unstoppable force and an immovable object

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: AU but compliant with canon ending, Canon Era, Dark kind of, Dysfunctional Relationships, Falling In Love, M/M, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-04-18
Packaged: 2018-10-20 17:36:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10667517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Hamilton thrives on opinions. Makes it his goal to take them apart, analyze them, prove how invalid they are, and then put them back together, useless and broken.Burr is scared that’s what’s gonna happen to him once this is through.





	an unstoppable force and an immovable object

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't get this idea out of my head bye

Aaron is 19 when he meets Hamilton. It takes him less than 5 minutes to learn the boy’s appearance matches his personality perfectly. He’s small, with clothes scruffy and a size too large, hanging off his weak frame dangerously, hair long and pulled back, loose strands falling into his eyes when he talks. Aaron watches as Hamilton brings up his hands to push it back. His lips never stop moving and there’s so much noise about this boy, words surrounding him like a halo.

Hamilton talks _too much_. Aaron wishes that he would stop.

“Can I buy you a drink?” he asks, more to shut Hamilton up than anything else. He’s surprised when Hamilton all but perks up, a shy smile lighting up his face and making him seem even younger than before.

And Aaron feels something he can’t quite name. It’s like an itch; he can’t shake it off and he doesn’t know how to fix it. All he knows is Hamilton is _there_ and Aaron has never felt somebody’s presence as much as he does now.

 

 

Hamilton becomes something of a constant in his life. They meet every now and again; they drink (well, mostly Hamilton drinks) and they talk and they discuss. Hamilton likes all kinds of topics, Aaron learns. He tells personal stories, his past, his wishes and dreams, and waits for Aaron to reciprocate. He’s annoyed when Aaron doesn’t and spends the rest of the evening trying to force him into opening up.

Hamilton is stubborn, but so is Aaron.

Maybe that’s why Hamilton keeps on buying him drinks every time they see each other. It’s an unstoppable force meeting an immovable object. Hamilton won’t stop until Aaron gives him what he wants. Aaron won’t move and won’t comply. He just sits there and smiles and changes topics as fast as Hamilton proposes them.

Hamilton is possibly the most annoying person Burr’s ever met. Yet, he does enjoy his presence. Hamilton’s bright and intelligent and possibly the only person who can match Aaron’s wit. So they discuss politics and philosophy. Burr’s careful about it; never saying too much to make Hamilton think Aaron actually holds an opinion on something. Hamilton thrives on opinions. Makes it his goal to take them apart, analyze them, prove how invalid they are, and then put them back together, useless and broken.

Burr is scared that’s what’s gonna happen to him once this is through.

 

 

When war starts, they end up in the same tent for a few weeks. Hamilton yells with surprise and gives him a hug when they first see each other. It’s late autumn, leaves turning bright yellow and orange and all over the ground, making the world appear just a bit more colourful than Aaron’s attitude. It’s getting cold, too, so Hamilton’s hugs are quite welcome.

Hamilton has become somewhat quieter. He reveals to Aaron during one of their evening walks together that his mind is buzzing with ideas and puzzles and he needs the quiet sometimes to solve them. He doesn’t trust himself to speak of some of them aloud. It makes Burr feel impressed; makes him feel proud of Hamilton, the loud boy who couldn’t keep anything to himself when they first met.

“We have truly come a long way, Aaron Burr, sir,” Hamilton replies when Aaron tells him that. He never calls him _Aaron_. Hamilton turns and smiles at him, wind blowing his hair into his eyes and it reminds Aaron of the first time. The scenery around him is unfamiliar but the boy in front of him has a beautiful smile that makes Aaron feel that itch again.

 

 

They’re not friends, not exactly. Burr knows Hamilton’s friends. They’re Laurens and Lafayette and Mulligan, all loud voices and warm, large hands slapping Hamilton’s back. Around the three of them, Hamilton is relaxed. Aaron has seen them together enough times to know what their gatherings look like. They scream, joke, drink, and have fun. Whenever Hamilton brings them up, his voice goes soft with fondness.

He doesn’t talk about Burr this way. He doesn’t act around Burr this way. They are not friends.

But there is something about the two of them, too, Aaron reckons. There is something peculiar about the way Hamilton can get Aaron to open up like no one else ever could. They don’t talk for hours at a time like Hamilton and John Laurens, but Aaron feels like each sentence they say to each other speaks of hundreds of omitted words. And when Aaron comes back to their tent in the middle of the night and Hamilton is there, waiting for him, the world feels narrow and just a little bit warmer than before.

 

 

His world changes as autumn leaves and winter arrives. Colourful leaves die and rot and they’re replaced with snow that’s white and terrible.

He’s turned down by George Washington. Hamilton is not.

Hamilton packs the very same evening, gets ready to leave for his new mission. Aaron tries not to be bitter about this, he really tries. But he is jealous and he’s not good enough of an actor to hide it; not in front of Hamilton.

“So. You’re leaving,” he says and Hamilton turns around. His eyes are sparkling with joy and his cheeks look red.

“Yes. This is quite the chance for me to prove myself, isn’t it?” and he giggles, as if he couldn’t believe in it himself. He grabs his bag and looks around the tent, searching for any missing artifacts. When he turns to face him again, his eyes are serious. “Burr…”

Aaron can hear wind blowing loudly around their tent. There’s muffled shouting and the sound of horses and bells and it feels like Hamilton is leaving Burr in this winter. He tries not to think about the first time, about the short boy who couldn’t stop talking and who called Aaron an orphan. He tries not to think about the itch that’s _still there_ after all this time.

“Well, goodbye then, Hamilton,” he says and turns around because he can’t quite bear to look at the man anymore.

Man, not a boy.

“That’s it? You’re not even going to say goodbye properly?” It’s the hardest thing he’s done is a long time to look back at Hamilton. He looks small, standing in the middle of the tent, the tiny bag with his old, ragged clothes in his hand. His lip is curved into a frown and Burr wants to… wants to…

“Just go, Alexander,” he says instead.

“I don’t understand!” Hamilton shouts, eyes glowing with fury as he glares at Aaron as if seeing him for the first time. “I thought we were friends! You should be happy for me! Are you really so angry that Washington didn’t choose you that now you’re just going to ignore me? Are you really so jealous?”

This does it for Aaron; it’s the final straw and damn Hamilton for being the only one who can actually get Aaron to lose control.

“Maybe I’d hope you’d stay with me,” he says and the words burn in the back of his throat. He regrets the words the moment he says them. They don’t feel right; they don’t feel like something one friend says to another. This feels like a lover’s quarrel and that is not a thought Aaron wants to consider.

Hamilton looks at him for a long time. The anger leaves his face and understanding takes over, making his eyes larger and lips part slightly. He takes a step towards Burr.

“Oh. Oh, Aaron…” he says and it’s soft and he should not be calling him that. “If I had only known…”

“There is nothing to know,” Burr replies before Hamilton can take another step. He only hopes either one of them will believe this. “Go, Hamilton.”

They stare at each other. Burr has made his decision. Now it’s time for Hamilton to do the same.

“You are going to regret this,” Hamilton says.

Burr knows he’s probably right. But he also knows _this_ is not right. So he watches as Hamilton clenches his jaw, grabs his back, and leaves.

The winter is longer than usual that year.

 

 

 

The weeks pass quickly after that. It’s easier without Hamilton there, in a way. Aaron can focus on fighting, on being a soldier. There are no distractions or unwanted thoughts. He manages to forget about Hamilton, at times.

He starts hearing rumor about Hamilton pretty quickly. There’s talk of his accomplishments, the praise he gets from Washington, the way everyone around him admires his skills. But there are also rumors about Hamilton and John Laurens who has apparently taken Aaron’s place.

Burr knows that if everyone talks about it, this means George Washington has also heard the rumors. And if Hamilton and Laurens are still together, this must mean Washington _does not mind_. Or he minds but not enough to separate them, to put an end to this.

Aaron sits and thinks about this for a long time. If he’d said yes to Hamilton, would he be the topic of those rumors? And would others also speak of him with respect, without judgment? Or would he had been beheaded instead?

He’s reminded of that winter evening, of the talk with Hamilton. If he’d made a different call, if he had taken that risk, would his life had been better? Would he regret that choice as much as he regrets it now?

An unstoppable force meets an immovable object. Hamilton does not stop, he takes what he wants. And Aaron sits there and waits for opportunities to arise.

 

 

 

They fall back in touch, after a while. They meet at social gatherings, mostly, in the middle of loud crowds. It’s not very awkward when they’re surrounded by other friends. Hamilton smiles at Burr and acts as if nothing had ever happened. Laurens is always there with him; standing too close and whispering into Hamilton’s ear when they think no one is watching.

Burr watches.

But it is nice to be able to talk to Hamilton again. They fall into their old routine. They discuss politics and Hamilton marvels about his plans for America’s finances once the war is over. Burr enjoys listening to him talk again. He’s so sure of himself, so certain he’s going to get what he’s after. Hamilton never has a back-up plan. It makes Aaron jealous.

 

 

 

He falls for Theodosia quicker than he’d expect. She’s beautiful and funny and confident, more so than the society would expect from a woman. She kisses him first and tells him all about her husband whom she despises and was forced to marry. She talks quite a lot, he realizes. It reminds him of someone.

He hears rumors around Theodosia, too. One day, when they’re both naked in her bed, she tells him of how she fell in love with a woman, how the two of them were forced to hide and how now Angelica Schuyler is so far away and Theodosia still dreams of her.

It’s not the same as him and Hamilton, Aaron realizes. But there are similarities and it comforts him. He doesn’t tell Theodosia about Hamilton, but he reckons she knows either way.

 

 

 

Hamilton meets the love of his life at a winter ball. One moment, he’s talking to Laurens and Burr, all wide smiles and champagne, and the next, his face turns red as Eliza Schuyler turns to look at him.

Angelica Schuyler introduces the two of them and, from a distance, Aaron sees the two are smitten with each other. He joins John Laurens and watches him observe the pair. John looks at him and they stare at each other for a moment. There’s a mutual understanding here. Both realize their fates were intertwined. Aaron regrets.

He gets an invitation to Hamilton and Eliza’s wedding. He doesn’t bring Theodosia with him, even though he reckons he should. He tries not to think about Hamilton’s hurt expression when he finds about Theodosia.

 

 

 

 

It’s different, after the war. He’s a father now and so is Hamilton. He works next door and sometimes they work together, joining forces for special cases. Finally, after all these years, Aaron finds himself enjoying his time with Hamilton. It’s amazing, being around him. They have a mutual understanding that allows them to work together perfectly. Aaron knows what Hamilton’s about to say before Hamilton even thinks it. Sometimes Aaron forget this works the other way around, too.

He meets Philip, Hamilton’s son. He’s beautiful and seems to enjoy Aaron’s company. He visits him and Eliza on some days, oddly surprised to realize he gets along quite well with Hamilton’s wife. Theodosia meets with them, too, but not too often. Burr knows she prefers avoiding the company of anyone related to the eldest Schuyler sister.

Aaron’s life is going well. He’s a good lawyer, has become well-known and popular amongst the highlights of New York’s society. He takes his time, watching the world around him change slowly. He’s in the middle of this chaos and he gets to observe as the pieces of this puzzle are put together and America is slowly born.

And then Hamilton asks for his help.

Burr supports the Constitution, knows deep in his heart it’s the only logical solution. But he also known there are many people who don’t realize this and he’s smart enough to know the logical solution is not always the solution the society wants to go with. He’s not stupid and he does not wish to risk his reputation. So he refuses Hamilton.

“What are you waiting for? What do you stall for?” he asks, and there is something in his eyes that makes Burr feel naked. Hamilton looks angry and frustrated and… hungry.

“I am not risking backing up the wrong horse,” he answers firmly, turning to leave, and pretending Hamilton’s words do not ring a bell. Hamilton grabs his arm and stops him from walking away.

“Aaron! For once in your life, take a risk!” he yells. There is fire in his eyes and Aaron can feel years of progress falling apart, the itch that’s he’s been trying to hide reborn.

“Leave, Hamilton,” he says, as loud as he can without shouting. Hamilton lets go of his arm and watches his face. Aaron can almost hear horses whining and bells ringing again.

“You are going to regret this.” Hamilton leaves without turning back to look at him. Aaron hides in his room.

 

 

 

Hamilton is a force of nature. He risks everything, takes and he takes, and he keeps winning. He becomes the Treasury Secretary, Washington’s right-hand man yet again, and Aaron can do nothing but watch.

Slowly, ever so slowly, he’s climbing up the steps himself. He’s building up a name for himself and trying to find people who’ll back him up when the time is right. But the time is still not right and he waits, and waits, and waits.

Until the waiting becomes too much.

He’s having a drink with Hamilton in his study and Hamilton’s had maybe one too many because he’s spilling details of the dinner with Madison and Jefferson. Madison and Jefferson, two men Hamilton hates more than anyone else, and _he made a deal with them_. Aaron has to stand up to keep himself from exploding because this feels like a slap in the face. He’s been waiting for years and there’s Hamilton, risking everything and winning again.

“You got more than you gave,” he whispers, finally realizing the genius of Hamilton’s plan.

The man shrugs and stands up next to Burr.

“I wanted what I got,” he says. The words feel odd and Aaron feels there’s something else Hamilton is not saying.

“How can you just… risk everything and still get what you want?” Alexander throws his head back and laughs. It feels like he’s mocking him.

“You see, you get nothing if you _wait for it,_ Burr.”

He takes another swing from his goblet and Aaron can feel the alcohol piercing through his veins. He’s reminded of their early days, Hamilton’s long hair falling into their drinks as he tries to pour Burr another one. But it never worked. Burr never lost control.

“God help and forgive me, I wanna build something that's gonna outlive me,” Hamilton murmurs, looking out of the window. He looks distant, like he’s not saying this to Burr. Then he turns and looks at Aaron; really looks at him. And his gaze is hungry and it’s everything Burr’s been dreading since they were 19. “What do _you_ want, Burr?”

They’re in that tent again and it’s the last straw and Burr just can’t take this. He lunges forward until his lips crash into Hamilton’s and he does not care about the risk anymore. He wants _this_.

Hamilton reciprocates without a moment of hesitation and it’s good, it’s so good. His lips are fast and his tongue is pushing its way into Aaron’s mouth already, and there’s so much pressure and Burr needs this, needs this more than he ever needed anything. He moves his hands up Hamilton’s body and he can hear the other man moan.

“You wanted this from the beginning too, didn’t you?” Aaron whispers when they break the kiss and he bites Hamilton’s neck.

“God, Aaron, of course I did,” Hamilton scoffs. His hands find their way into Burr’s trousers and Burr does not want this to stop, will never let this stop.

 

 

Aaron debates whether he should tell Theodosia on his way home. Finally, he decides against it. Theodosia is there the moment he steps in; she takes one look at him and notices the small mark on his neck. She smiles faintly and doesn’t ask. Does not need to.

 

 

 

It becomes a pattern. They usually meet in Aaron’s house, since he knows Theodosia will not mind. They have sex and it’s glorious, every little thing about it. Aaron feels satisfied for the first time in his life.

They talk, during and after. Alexander muses about the way he wanted Aaron since the moment they first saw each other, tells him how he’d been counting on this for years. He never expected Aaron to act on it. He always assumed he’d remain this way for the rest of his lives. Longing. Unsatisfied.

They hold each other and Aaron takes Alexander’s hand and kisses it. They’re not gentle during sex; they bite and claw and fight for control. But once it’s over, they’re all soft touches and kisses.

Aaron does not feel bad. Does not feel guilty when he sees Eliza with Philip or when Theodosia smiles at him sadly. He feels complete.

 

 

 

The Reynolds Pamphlet is another turning point in his life. It’s a betrayal. He’s not sure how it’s possible; he’s Hamilton mistress, really, and he feels cheated on.

Theodosia tries to talk to him about it but he can’t explain it. He can’t talk about Hamilton, about how he feels disappointed he did not know about Maria Reynolds. Once again, he feels like he’s not a part of the room where it happens. Hamilton is there with him, but he’s not all there. There is still so much Aaron does not know about him. And how could he ever be satisfied, really?

He wants to talk to Hamilton, wants to hear him apologize and wants to forgive him. But everyone around them is calls Hamilton an immoral man, one who shall not be trusted. And Burr realizes any contact he will have with Hamilton will end in his fall.

When Hamilton comes to him the day after the Pamphlet, Aaron turns him down. Tells him he can’t do this, can’t be a part of it anymore. Hamilton looks at him at his eyes are broken.

“You’re going to regret this,” he says.

Burr knows. He closes the door anyway.

 

 

 

Theodosia dies a few weeks later. Burr is left alone with their daughter and this gives him a new sense of bravery. He becomes obsessed with work, runs around trying to get everybody’s approval. He works and writes and meets with people who matter.

Hamilton is not one of those people, not anymore. He has his group of Federalists who remain loyal to him, but Hamilton is no longer in the picture. He’s uptown with his wife, trying to do the unimaginable in the face of Philip’s death. Aaron knows Hamilton tried to contact him again after the death of his son. Burr pretended he did not know.

He gives up, one day. He goes to Hamilton and begs for his approval, asks to endorse him in the run for president. Hamilton says no so Aaron leans in and kisses him until they can’t breath. It’s quick after that and neither of them lasts long. Burr feels broken, laying next to Hamilton who’s the last person Burr should engage in his life. That’s when Hamilton presses a kiss into his back and whispers a soft “I love you”.

Burr muses about his life. He wonders if they were living in different times, times when the society would not behead them for loving each other. He imagines their life together, holding hands in public and getting married and raising children. And then he realizes it’s not the society that’s holding them back; it’s each other. He could not be with Hamilton and Hamilton could not be with him.

Hamilton is unstoppable and Burr is immovable. They cannot function together. They are each other's downfall. 

Burr gets up and puts on his clothes. Alexander watches him the entire time.

“Don’t leave,” he says.

Burr looks away.

“You’re going to regret this,” and Alexander’s eyes are cold now. Cold like winter and snow and the faint whining of a horse awaiting a long journey.

“I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> yeah and then burr kills him  
> haha this is inspired by my real relationship way too much i need help


End file.
